


Addiction

by Lidsworth



Series: Dysfunctional (But Functional) [1]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Drug Addiction, Drug Use, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-13
Updated: 2015-03-13
Packaged: 2018-03-17 15:21:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3534389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lidsworth/pseuds/Lidsworth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kaneki thought Hide was the invincible one, until he realized that Hide was on medication for anxiety and depression. Kaneki's absence brought out the worse in Hide, and the withdrawal of his medication creates an even  bigger problem.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Addiction

Kaneki was a “helicopter” boyfriend, he knew it. And as if to solidify that fact, he found himself standing over the restroom toilet, with a handful of colorful pills in his fingers, and seconds later, pouring them into the water. He'd found them inside of Hide's jacket pockets, and next inside of the cabinets that he'd never bothered to look into. He didn't have a reason to, not until now, at least.

 

Earlier that morning, he'd seen Hide delving into the restroom cabinets, frantic and desperate, knocking through bottles that Kaneki hadn't even known were in there. He grabbed at something, swallowed it dry, and proceeded to close the restroom door, and continued to prepare for his day.

 

Kaneki had seen this all from the bed so Hide hadn't noticed him. He'd seen the dependency, the yearning to have those pills in his mouth. He retrieved them like a parched man discovering a spring in a desert.

 

After the blond had left, Kaneki rounded up all of the medication. He could smell them all around the house, and wondered why they hadn't stuck out before hand. Prozac, and other anti-depressants had filled the restroom cabinets like Christmas lights, same with the kitchen cabinet. He nearly mistook the stray ones in Hide's pockets for candy.

 

Kaneki did his research before he decided to can the medication, and discovered that not all of it was Prozac, that some of it was for different sorts of problems. They were all a very, _very_ dangerous combination, and to Kaneki's understanding, should not have been approved by a doctor.

 

 _This can't be healthy for him,_ Kaneki had thought, after he'd rounded them up, I'll _just have to get rid of them._

 

And with a flush of the toilett, the white haired ghoul waved “good bye” to the pills, and unbeknownst to him, waved “hello” to a new problem. For Kaneki had forgotten to research the effects of withdrawal.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

Hide had come back from class later than usual. He looked tired, more so than he had in ages (or Kaneki had just now realized it). His bag seemed to weigh down on his back like an over sized turtle shell. He walked like a turtle too, slow and burdened, though Kaneki didn't miss the occasional jump.

 

“You're back late,” came Kaneki, from the sofa, as he peered over the top of his book, “You look tired...”

 

Hide smiled and removed his shoes, “Hey Kaneki! I didn't see you there! What's up? I thought you'd be out today.”

 

Kaneki shrugged, closed his book and made his way over to Hide. He'd grown accustomed to removing Hide's jacket whenever the blond stepped inside of the house. Hide had objected at first, but Kaneki had simply told him he'd done so for Hinami many times before, and that the habit had stuck with him.

 

Kaneki's finger's slipped beneath the strap of Hide's back pack, effectually sliding it up and around his wrist. Kaneki placed it on the ground. After Hide allowed him to slip off the bag, next came the jacket. Kaneki hadn't commented much on Hide's loss of weight,as he'd recalled his thinness during their meeting in the sewer.

 

Kaneki figured that weight loss had been something brought on by the stress of working with the CCG, and Hide searching for him. It only made sense that Hide would start eating again after everything had been left in the past, only, he wasn't. And Kaenki knew why.

 

His string of medications caused loss of appetite. He needed to address the situation.

 

“I thought about taking Hinami-chan out today, but I think she needs to spend more time with Touka-chan,” Kaneki returned to the original conversation, as he grabbed Hide by the wrist, and pulled him to the couch.

 

Hide followed, as always. If he didn't have any work to do, he'd usually sit on the couch with Kaneki, and watch TV until he got hungry enough to cook something, though sometimes, Kaneki already had something prepared.

  
“Poor Hinami-chan, she must've been upset!” Hide responded

 

Kaneki sighed,as he sat on the couch, followed by Hide, who he pulled closer, “She was a little, but she needs to spend more time with another girl. She'd been living with me and Tsukiayama and the others for a little bit too long. I think it's good that she's spending some time with Touka-chan, besides, today...I found something out...”

 

Hide lifted his head from Kaneki's shoulder at the sudden change of tone and atmosphere. When Kaneki spoke, his voice deepened considerably. The way in which he phrased the last sentence seemed as if he'd been trying ti formulating those words for the entirety of Hide's absence. Not only that, but Kaneki sounded weary of his findings, almost as if he himself were afraid to disclose the “something” he found out.

 

And his fear had infected Hide, greatly.

 

“What's up Kaneki?” The blond sat up, and wrapped his arm around his boyfriend's shoulder, “Did something happen? Are you alrigh-”  
  
“Yes, I'm alright,” The severity of Kaneki's words cut through Hide's like a hot knife to butter, and the blond nearly recoiled. However, he'd been on the negative side of Kaneki's personality splits before, and figured he himself could calm Kaneki down if need be.

 

Though Hide felt nervous, nervous that this wasn't really about Kaneki,and that it was about him. However, he tried to dismiss his nervousness for an artificial reaction. His medication had been producing unusual side effects since he'd settled down with Kaneki, though he blamed it on the combination of pills he'd been hooked on.

 

“Then what's up? Did I do something wrong?” Asked the blond, innocently. “Did something happen while I was gone?”

 

Kaneki sighed, and pulled Hide close again, resting his chin atop of the blond mass of hair, “I wish you would have come to me...”

 

There was a silence as Hide tried to understand what on earth Kaneki was saying, “Kaneki...are you-”  
  
“I found pills in your pocket, Hide, different kinds,” Kaneki lifted his head from atop of Hide's , and scooted away from Hide just a bit, so the two were looking eye to eye, “I looked in the cabinet, after you left this morning. There were more pills. I read up about them on the internet Hide, they're for anxiety, and depression, sleep, and other things. They shouldn't be mixed. But the pills weren't the only thing I researched, Hide. I researched addiction,” he paused, and continued, “So I threw them away.”

 

Hide's mind sectioned Kaneki's monologue into three pieces.

 

 _Shit,_ had been the first thing that had come to mind at the discovery of his medication...but it was just medication, right, why was Kaneki getting so worked up about it? If it wasn't for the medication, Hide never would've found Kaneki.

 

Second had been addcition. Addiction hadn't even crossed Hide's mind, never. He just figured it was one pill after another, some prescribed, some not. They seemed to fix his problems, though not without causing another.

 

He figured that after he rescued Kaneki, that he could just stop taking the drugs all together, but one pill became two pills to calm his anxiety (Eye-patch was always on the news), another to calm his depression (he often wondered if Kaneki stopped visiting him because he no longer liked him. What if he'd forgotten about him)? Another to calm the side effects of the first few, and before Hide knew it, he guessed he was “addicted”.

 

He hadn't told Kaneki yet, he didn't think there was a reason to involve the ghoul.

 

“Oh..”  
  
And then it connected in his brain. Kaneki had thrown away the medication, which Hide was not addicted to, in the least. But suddenly, he felt uneasy about the disposal, he felt....angry.

 

“Oh what? I'm not letting you overdose and die, Hide,” Kaneki stood off of the couch, and began to make his way to the kitchen, “What do you want for dinner?”  
  


Hide's eyes opened wide...did Kaneki just really change the subject after he'd practically thrown away his medication?

 

“K-Kaneki! You can't just take my stuff like that,” called the blond, nearly falling over the back of the couch.

 

“I can if it's hurting you,” Kaneki spoke through a shuffling of pots, “and I will. Look at you,” he noted Hide's sudden anxiousness, “that's what I mean by addiction.”  
  
“I'm not addicted!” The blond jumped to defend himself, as he followed his boyfriend in the kitchen, “and I know you didn't throw everything away! There's no way you could've even found everythin-”  
  
“I'm a ghoul, I have a keen sense of smell,” Kaneki began to fill a pot with water, “When I smelled one pill, I smelled for others I may have missed, I'm certain I got everything.”

 

Now Hide was getting nervous, and his problems seemed to sting ten fold as he thought of what his absence of medication could do to him. How would he keep his anxiousness down—what if Kaneki left again and put himself in danger? How would Hide calm himself down? What about his sleeping schedules, how screwed up would those be? Could he bear it if Kaneki left again? Now they were something more than friends, they were practically engaged, what if Kaneki suddenly left again, but forever this time...what if...

The distress was showing up on his face, and Kaneki could see it, clearly.

 

“Hide, I'm sorry, I just couldn't-”  
  
“Where are they? Did you throw them in the trash can? Did you leave some in the cabinets?” Hide turned on the balls of his heels, fast, and before Kaneki knew it, the blond had thrown the restroom door nearly off of its hinges, and had done the same to the restroom cabinets.

 

He could hear sounds of disapproval coming from the restroom, coming from Hide. It almost seemed as if he was talking to himself as he gutted the cabinets for his medication.

 

Kaneki migrated to the doorway, crossing his arms. This was getting out of hand, “Hide,” he began as the blond continued to search, “Hide?”  
  


“What?!”

 

“I flushed them down the toilet, Hide. You're not getting your medication, they're gone,” Kaneki walked in,and seized his frantic boyfriend, “You need to calm down.”  
  


“So you can disappear again?” Hide shook out of Kaneki's grasp as he turned towards the trashcan,”So you can forget? And have me worried, again? So I can lose sleep again? So you can die?”

 

“Hide? Where is this-”  
  
“I can't lose you again Kaneki,” Hide brushed passed the ghoul, and walked to the bed room. His clothing had been scattered out and about, maybe Kaneki had missed a sweater or two.

 

Kaneki's heart clenched at the sound of Hide's words. He knew that his absence and time spent with the ghouls had done a lot emotionally to his Hide, but he never actually sat down with Hide and spoke to him of the pain he'd suffered. Hide had spent more time making sure Kaneki was alright, he'd never once turned the attention towards himself.

  
Kaneki supposed that's why Hide was so addicted to medication. It spared him the trouble of opening up.

 

“Hide! Calm down, I'm not leaving you,” Kaneki followed his boyfriend to the bed room, seizing him once again, “You need help, Hide-”  
  
“No I don't, I just need medication. I was seeing a doctor before this!”

 

“And what happened? You got a hold of different medications by yourself?”  
  


“Maybe I did! Why do you care, you're okay and I was okay until you decided to throw my medicine away!”  
  
“You mean drugs, Hide?” Kaneki wrestled Hide in such a way that they were facing one another, both staring intently at the other, “Because drugs will kill you. Hide, I'm sorry I did this to you,” Kaneki apologized, sincerely, “But I'm not standing by and allowing you to poison yourself. You're getting real help Hide, no medicine this time.”

 

Hide seemed to deflate in Kaneki's grasp, head falling on Kaneki's chest, knees crashing to the ground.

 

Before Kaneki knew it, he was holding his boyfriend by his wrist, his incredibly thin wrist. It took him only seconds to realize that Hide was shaking badly and heaving like he was suffocating.

 

“Hide, what's wrong-”  
  
“It's not that easy Kaneki,” Hide spoke silently, barely above a whisper, “It's not that easy!”

 

Kaneki released Hide, but caught him before he fell. He held him close, and pressed his lips against Hide's ear, “Who said it would be? You risked your life to save mine, so I'll do whatever it takes to save you.”

 

The evening carried on in silence.  

**Author's Note:**

> If someone is suffering from an addiction, do not, I REPEAT, do not take their drugs away from them, you need to get them professional help. I didn't go into depth with withdrawal symptoms, but according to the situation, they can range from mild to bad.  
> (Hide reminds me a bit of Sherlock, from BBC's Sherlock, who's had his fair share of drug problems. I just made the connection.)  
> I'm just thinking about making this all one big series titled under “Dysfunctioanl (But Functional)” with all of my domestic, angsty hidekane stories. Some may be related, others may not be. This is a one-shot for now, I may add more to it later, but I'm not sure. I hope you enjoyed it, it'll be on tumblr: 
> 
> lidsworth.tumblr.com
> 
> Hope you enjoyed it, have a nice week and God bless!


End file.
